How do I get my partner to keep his promises?

My partner keeps breaking promises. How do I get them to keep them?

Note: This post contains affiliate links. (The advice is free as always though).

Ah, two simple words “I promise”. So powerful yet sometimes meaningless (especially when you’re my husband who gets out of doing things by saying “Did I say “I promise?”). Whether it’s doing chores around the house, picking the children up from school, or even just making a phone call, everyone is guilty of breaking a promise. However, if it constantly happens, and it’s causing trust issues, this is when you need to take action.

Let’s all face it, we have all been there. We start the day motivated to get a whole lot of tasks done, then as the day goes on, your motivation fades and before you know it, the day is basically over and you have achieved nothing! Just think – if it’s that easy for you then it is for your partner too – so every now and then you have to give them a break.

However, if this consistently happens, and you feel like you are doing the lion-share of the work while your partner just sits on their butt all day, then there are a few things you can try. So…how do I get my partner to keep his promises?

1. Organise a roster (and check off the tasks).
   One thing that works for some couples is to draw up a roster of chores and tasks that need to be done each week, then check off the ones you have done. This may seem a little passive-aggressive to some, but in reality, when you’re at your wits end and don’t know what else to do, having a list of tasks that you have done in writing may make your partner realise how little they are doing.
2. Don’t nag.
   I know – seems like the opposite of what is natural to do right? Think to yourself though – do you like constantly being asked if you have done something? No? Well, neither does your partner! Instead of nagging and constant passive-aggressive reminders, ask them nicely the morning the task needs to be done if they remember what they need to do today. They will most likely say “yes” then go from there. Read: How to communicate with your partner so they will listen.
3. Organise a time where you both do chores (or do them together).
   What works well for my partner and I is designated chore times. I find that even if we have an even load of work, I feel resentment towards him when I’m doing a couple of hours of laundry while he’s chilling, even though he may mow the lawn the next day while I’m chilling.
   Suggest to your partner that you both have a designated “chore hour” each day of the week. You may do laundry in that time while he mows the lawn (or does something else). Even better if you find chores you can do together (like washing the car).
4. Reward them after they do a chore.
   Ok – you might be thinking – “they are an adult – why do they need a reward for something they should just know to do?” While this is true, who doesn’t like a little appreciation? I’m not talking reward like a weekend away (or anything big like that). I’m talking something little – like maybe share a food or drink item with them that they were not expecting – something to show them that you appreciate them. When my partner helped me clean the car (which I don’t think he’s ever done!), I rewarded him with sharing the last of my bottle of wine with him (which he definitely wasn’t expecting – I’m very possessive of my wine!)
   In doing this, it will activate the reward and pleasure centre in their brain and give them a positive association with the task. Thus meaning they are far more likely to do it in the future (especially if this is their first time doing this task – or haven’t done it very often). Eventually, this task will become routine and you will need to do this less and less (but hey – a simple “thank you” each time still goes a long way!)

Try the above next time you feel like your partner makes a promise you think he’s going to break. Let me know how you go xo