How to communicate with your partner so they will listen

Having issues communicating with your partner?

My partner will not listen to me no matter what I do or say. Sound familiar? Many couples get to this stage in their relationship, it is easy to take each other for granted, especially when you have been together for a long time. So…how do you get them to listen and see your point of view? Firstly, there is more to communication than just talking (and nagging!) A lot of communication comes from your actions as well as what you say. The biggest drama in our relationship is household chores because both of us hate doing them (who doesn’t!)

Try these tips and tricks to improve communication:

1. Empathy.
   Put yourself in their shoes. Try and see things from your partner’s point of view. Are you fighting over household chores like who cooks dinner? Who mows the lawn? Who does the laundry? One thing that works for my husband and I is just talking it through with each other and try and see things from each others perspective. For example, he works full-time at an office, I work part-time from home. He thinks that because he leaves the house every day and works for a full eight hours then I should do the lion share of the housework. While I didn’t agree with this at first, I now see his point of view. If I was the one leaving the house every day doing a full eight hours and he was the one at home, then I would expect him to do more housework.
2. Generosity.
   You might be in the mindset of “I do everything around the house, so I’m going to leave these things for them to do.” I have tried this – and it doesn’t work (unsurprisingly). If you change your mindset, and instead of thinking “this is more work I need to do and I hate it” – think – “I’m doing this because I love my partner”. You might be surprised to see how receptive they are to all the extra work you have been doing without complaining. People tend to treat each other as others treat them. So if you give your partner a little extra love and attention, then they will tend to treat you the same way. You might even see them pitching in more around the house too without being asked.
3. Show them that you care.
   Similar to point two – give and you will receive – do something for them that shows that you care about them. This doesn’t have to be large gestures or expensive gifts (keyword being expensive). Showing that you care can be as little as making them a tea or coffee or an extra meal one day a week like a pancake breakfast. Little gifts every now and then do not hurt either. I went on a bit of a spending spree for my husband the other day and bought him some slippers, pyjamas and the sandwich toaster he had been wanting for quite some time. The slippers and pyjamas he actually did need, the sandwich toaster was a gift just because. He was so grateful after I brought them home, he offered to cook dinner and mow the lawn. While this is not financially viable and should not be necessary to do this every time you need something done, you can still do little caring gestures (like the tea and coffee).
4. Don’t be passive-aggressive and nag.
   I know, it’s tempting and it just comes naturally. Unsurprisingly though – it does not work. Going back to point number one – think about what the other person is thinking and how they would like to be treated. If someone wanted you to do something – how would you like to be asked? I highly doubt it would be in the manner of something like “I see you haven’t mown the lawn again – are you ever going to do it?” Instead, try saying something like “are you still planning on mowing the lawn this afternoon?” This will be a gentle reminder that they need to do the task, but delivered in a nicer way so they will be more inclined to still do it.
5. Use your feminine wiles.
   If you are a woman trying to communicate with her man, it might be worth turning on the old feminine charm. While you are nicely asking/reminding your partner to do something, try stroking their arm or patting their back while you are doing it. Touch can go a long way on a man – try it and see if it works (it does for me).

If you still can’t communicate properly with your partner after trying these steps, or they keep breaking promises, then that is a different matter and one that should probably be solved with counselling. Hopefully, this article has helped you in some way to communicate better with your partner.